The Assignment Part I
by doggettandscully
Summary: Doggett and Willmore are assigned to an undignified case.....


Doggett plonked down into a chair comfortably. He had been called upon for a case that  
he had no knowledge of, Scully was off work for the week and he had been placed with  
agent Willmore. He had hoped in desperation to be placed with Reyes -his new love interest-  
again but to no avail.  
Scully wasn't the only one absent, Skinner had also taken a few days off and left the agents  
in the trusty hands of Kersh.  
"Now agent Doggett" Kersh said as he took a seat opposit Doggett, "You and agent Willmore have  
a case involving undercover operations"  
"What?" Doggett asked excitedly, "Undercover operations?" He had never felt so happy, it had  
been his dream to take part in an undercover case.  
"Yes, you were originally supposed to do this case with agent Scully, posing as man and wife"  
Kersh informed, "But due to her absence you will now have to do this with agent Willmore"  
"Willmore?" Doggett asked suddenly becoming confused, "Are we gonna be brothers or something?"  
"No, man and wife"  
"What!"  
"I know how it sounds agent Doggett but I have had no luck in finding a female agent suitable  
for this operation and plus the bureau have great costumes, nobody will ever guess you are   
male" Kersh said trying hard to hold in an almighty laugh, he could just picture Doggett wearing  
one of the outfits in the special dressingroom situated on the fifth floor.  
"Me?" This was too much information all at once, "I can't...no way"  
"I'm afraid you have to agent Doggett, you need to be the eyes and ears at a womens group, you   
have to get in with these women" Kersh said, now finding it difficult to stop the smirk from   
filling his face  
"But I can't...why can't Willmore do it?" Doggett questioned  
"Because you are assigned to the x-files" Kersh replied  
"So? This isn't an x-file"  
"It is agent Doggett, an anonymous tip off led us to believe that something involving a cult is   
at foot" Kersh said,  
"But...but-"  
"Here is everything you need to know" Kersh said as he handed Doggett a file, "Now if you don't  
mind I have work to do" He added in an attempt to rush Doggett from the office to allow him to  
burst into a huge laughing fit.  
Doggett snatched the file from Kersh and stood from his chair,  
"Sir, I can't-"  
"Yes you can agent Doggett" Kersh said in a deep tone, Doggett gave Kersh a bitchy look before  
quickly departing the office. He dashed into the hall and parked his arse onto a chair to  
one side, he cackily opened the file and began to read.  
He instantly became aware that he had to join a special secret society for psychic women, he had  
to pose as a clairvoyant called, Macey Bukrodgers and find out about a supposed cult. How could   
something like this happen to him? And why did such a case have to come up while Scully was away?  
A shit-cack suddenly intruded Doggett's body when he realised that he had to join the society  
tomorrow, so soon? He also had to be in a dressing room on the fifth floor at 4:oo PM. He  
instanly felt the need to cry, how could he get out of it? What excuse could he come up with?  
He realised that there were no excuses, he had used every one that came to mind to skive in the  
past.  
  
DRESSING ROOM 4:OO PM  
  
Doggett stepped into the small cubicle clutching a red satin dress and a black velvet   
scarf, the costume had been advised by an agent Spidalegg who he had only just came into  
aquaintance with. She specialised in such things as dressing agents for undercover cases.  
Doggett pulled the curtain closed and heard the childish laughter of Willmore from behind a  
row of dresses, he hadn't stopped giggling at the situation since Doggett had informed him of the  
case that afternoon.  
Doggett removed his clothing and grabbed ahold of the dress, he pulled it over his head and  
pushed his arms into the sleeves, he took a look at himself in the huge mirror to one side of  
the cubicle and instantly saw how stupid he actually looked. The dress was long, almost touching  
his ankles and it had a big white chintz pattern on the front, he then pulled the curtain open  
and stepped out to see Willmore burst into a laughing fit as soon as he saw Doggett looking so  
ridiculous,  
"It's not funny!" Doggett squealed, he had never been so embarrassed and miserable in his whole  
life,  
"Sorry" Willmore said as he tried to hide his laughter,  
"The hair" Agent Spidalegg said as she rushed over clutching a black curly wig, she shoved it  
over Doggett's head, he instantly noticed that the wig was of a mullet-like style, "This is  
what you should wear for tomorrow" Agent Spidalegg said, "Come to me first thing and I'll do  
your make-up for you" She said almost matter-of-factly like she was actually discussing make-up  
with another woman.  
"Oh...right" Doggett said in a depressed tone, "No wait!" He suddenly squealed when he thought  
of being spotted at the FBI bureau dressed in such a way, "Could you come to my house and do it?"  
"But I can't" Agent Spidalegg replied,  
"Pleeeeeease!" Doggett squealed in a cacky state  
"Okay, okay fine" Agent Spidalegg said holding up her hands in defence, "Give me your address"  
Doggett quickly whipped out a pen from his pocket and grabbed agent Spidalegg's hand, he turned  
it over and began to scribble,  
"Hey! I have some paper in my bag" Spidalegg squealed  
"Huh? Oh sorry I didn't think" Doggett said, now realising how the situation was affecting him,  
he was losing track of his mind and writing on other agent's hands.  
"It's okay, I'll copy it down" Spidalegg sighed,   
"I think we should get going Doggett, we need our rest" Willmore said as he appeared beside him,  
"We have a long day tomorrow"  
Doggett whipped his wig off with anger,  
"*We* have a long day tomorrow? What have you got to do?" He bitched  
"Play your husband, I have to drop you there and pick you up whilst secretly hanging around and  
seeing who goes in and comes out" Willmore replied leaving Doggett feeling stupid, he had been  
sarcastic and Willmore had called his bluff,  
"Oh...right"  
"Well you'd better get back into your clothes and I'll bring everything you need tomorrow"  
Spidalegg said as she snatched the black velvet scarf from Doggett's grasp.  
  
THAT NIGHT: DOGGETT'S HOUSE  
Doggett had never felt so unhappy in his whole life, he had been a marine and now an  
agent for the FBI, how could he possibly end up dressed as a female clairvoyant? The very same  
question had been circling his mind all day and for the whole evening. He had partaken in the  
viewing of 'Jack Frost', his latest DVD for his collection just to take his mind off of his  
predicament.  
The thought of his christmas brandy in the cupboard under the sink suddenly became very appealing  
it would almost certainly do the trick.  
Suddenly a knock at the door broke his thoughts. He dragged his depressed body up from the sofa   
and over to the door to pull it open, Willmore stood on the doorstep wrapped up in a coat and  
shivering.  
"Willmore, what brings you here at such an hour?" Doggett questioned instantly spotting the  
brown suitcase in his hand  
"I have to stay with you" He replied depressingly, "Kersh told me that I have to play your  
sister"  
Doggett suddenly felt like laughing, the thought of Willmore in a dress suddenly took all his  
problems away,  
"Why?" Doggett questioned  
"He thinks it would be best" Willmore said, "Personally I think he sees it as a big joke"  
"Well I suppose you'd better come in" Doggett said as he pulled the door back enough to let  
Willmore squeeze through,  
"Agent Spidalegg is bringing me some clothes tomorrow" Willmore muttered as he stepped into the  
house.  
"Oh right, well theres some brandy in the kitchen if you want some" Doggett said suddenly  
feeling excited at the thought of intoxicating his mind.  
  
NEXT MORNING 8:OO AM  
Doggett plodded over to the door in a sorry state, he pulled it open to see Spidalegg  
standing with a large bag,  
"Thought I'd never find this house" She smiled  
"Sadly you did" Doggett muttered with depression, he hated the fact that he had to actually  
dress as a woman and the fact that he had an almighty hangover didn't help much. He pulled the  
door open and Spidalegg entered the house,  
"Lets get cracking" She said, "You have to be there at ten"  
LATER  
Doggett waited impaciently as agent Spidalegg added the finishing touches to his make-up,  
he had had to shave and cleanse his skin in order to give it a more feminine look and also had  
to cake on tonnes of foundation. He gazed over at Willmore as he sat on the sofa reading a  
magazine, Doggett couldn't help but giggle at the blonde wig, bright red lipstick, black dress  
and shoes. Spidalegg had even gone as far as painting both the agent's nails in rich red and had  
taught them both to walk in a feminine manner.  
"There" Spidalegg said as she dabbed the last blob of blusher onto Doggett's cheeks, she handed  
Doggett a mirror and he peered in to get the shock of his life. He actually looked like a real  
woman, "You guys had better get going" Spidalegg suggested as she glanced at her watch.  
"Yeah" Willmore sighed with depression, he placed the magazine beside him and stood from the  
sofa, he plonked over to the door,  
"Hey, hey" Agent Spidalegg called, "Remember what I said, head up, back straight, shoulders  
square"  
"Oh...right"  
  
Doggett and Willmore made their way down the high street in search of a shop called   
'Tokens'. According to their casefile it was in the cellar of the shop that the secret cult  
meetings were supposedly held,  
"246, 248, hey there it is" Willmore said as he pointed his red-nailed finger down the street  
to a shop on the corner,  
"Hey there babes" A man's voice called from behind followed by a wolf whistle, Doggett and  
Willmore spun around to see a hoard of builders standing on the other side of a fence on  
construction grounds.  
"Fancy a date?" One called  
"Don't you have better things to do?" Doggett called in an angered bitchy manner as he flicked  
some of his wig-hair over his shoulder in a womanish fashion,  
"Hey don't play hard to get doll" Another called followed by more whistles  
"Shouldn't you be working?" Willmore called as he placed his hands on his hips in a girlish  
state and tapped his high-heeled shoe with rage.   
"Hey come on lets go out on a date" The first one called to Doggett with a wink, Doggett felt  
like whipping out his badge and thrusting it into their faces but that would only blow their  
cover,  
"Come on Doggett...er I mean Macey" Willmore called  
"Hey I don't know your name" Doggett whispered  
"Talulah" Willmore whispered back causing Doggett to want to laugh,   
"Well Talulah how would you feel about a date?" A builder called  
"Is this what women have to put up with?" Willmore asked in a tarty state, "Why don't you date  
eachother?" He asked almost forgetting to speak with his woman-voice.  
"Come on Talulah, lets go, forget about them" Doggett bitched as he grabbed Willmore's arm and  
pulled him toward the shop followed by more wolf whistles and laughing. They rushed off down the  
street, their shoes tapping in tow until they were outside 'Tokens' shop.  
Doggett tapped heavily on the door,  
"I hate this!" Willmore said, "My feet are killing me in these shoes"  
"I know" Doggett agreed, "This dress is chaifing my arse"  
"Lets make a pact" Willmore said, "We never tell anyone about this...ever!"  
"Agreed" Doggett said as he shook Willmore's hand.  
The door to the closed shop opened to reveal an elderly lady,  
"Yes?" She asked looking confused and suspicious  
"Er...we're here for the meeting" Doggett said in a womanish voice  
"Meeting?"  
"He's the...er I mean *she's* the clairvoyant" Willmore said  
"I don't know about any meeting or a clairvoyant so remove yourself from my premises" The woman  
bitched,  
"Er you mean, you weren't told?" Doggett asked  
"About what?"  
"We are here to join to secret psychic women's society" Doggett replied  
"What! How did you know about that?" The woman asked with rage  
"We asked someone to call on our behalf, obviously they forgot" Willmore said  
"Oh...well in that case you had better come inside" The woman said as she opened the door to  
let them into the shop.  
Doggett and Willmore waltzed into the shop remembering agent Spidalegg's advice on walking  
like a woman.   
"How did you know about us?" The woman asked  
"Er...we were invited here" Willmore skillfully lied  
"You were? By who?"  
"Er...a lady, she read an ad we left in the paper and rang to ask us if we wanted to join" He  
lied further  
"Oh right, that must have been Lulu" The woman said, "And you're clairvoyants?"  
"He-she is" Willmore said, "I just help her out, we're sisters"  
"Really? And you are?"   
"Macey Bukrodgers" Doggett replied, "This is Talulah"  
"Talulah and Macey Bukrdgers?" The woman asked in confusion  
"Er...yes" Doggett said  
"Well you had better come with me" The woman added as she turned to a door at the side of the   
shop, she led Doggett and Willmore down a narrow staircase and into a room with at least ten  
women sitting around in a circle eyeing the agents with suspicion.  
"Ladies, this is a new clairvoyant, she's joining us and this is her sister" The woman said,  
"Macey and Talulah Bukrodgers"  
"Er...hi" Doggett said with an embarrassed state  
"Welcome" One woman smiled, "Here have a seat" She added as she patted and empty chair beside  
her.  
  
Doggett and Willmore had been in the meeting for what seemed like forever, Doggett had  
nearly slipped up by calling 'Talulah' Willmore but luckily nobody noticed. They had both had  
to stand and introduce themselves and discuss their lives at the start and now the meeting had  
moved on to a talk about women's issues.  
"So I just told him, I said Mikey you don't own me" One woman said as she told a long boring  
story about life with her boyfriend, "I just got myself up off the chair and left the house,  
that was it, I never went back" She said.  
"Great" The elderly lady that had introduced them to the group said and the other woman quickly  
took a seat, "Now, Macey is their anything you would like to say?" She asked.  
Doggett sat bored, great, he thought, now someone called Macey was going to babble on for an hour  
about *her* boyfriend. He sighed with boredom when suddenly a hefty kick from Willmore's shoe  
intruded his ankle, in pain and confusion he looked to see him motioning to the woman. Doggett  
suddenly realised that he was Macey,  
"Er..."  
"Macey is there something wrong?" The woman asked  
"No...I..."  
"Well? Why don't you tell us about your experiences with the other half?" She asked  
"The other half?" Doggett questioned with confusion  
"Men of course"  
"Oh right...er" Doggett slowly climbed to his feet, "Well..."  
Suddenly all eyes were on him, waiting for him to say something, but what? What could he possibly  
say about men when he was a man himself?  
"Er...my husband cheated on me once" He quickly lied, gasps and shocked expressions filled the  
room, "He er...ran off with a floosy"  
"Oh my!" The woman said with rage, "I hope you taught him a lesson or two"  
"Yes...I er...washed his toothbrush in the toilet"  
"Way to go" Someone called out  
"But how could you have washed his toothbrush in the toilet when he had already ran off?" A   
woman asked with confusion,  
"Er...well I packed his belongings and sent them off to him" He skillfully managed to keep up  
his story, "And...he used it"  
"But how do you know?" Someone asked  
"Er...his girlfriend told me"  
"Oh my god! You knew his girlfriend?" someone asked  
"Yes, she was my best friend" Doggett said now suddenly getting into his story, "We were friends  
for many years" He added  
"And you stayed friends?"  
"No"  
"So how did she tell you about the toothbrush?"  
"Er..." Doggett thought hard  
"Er, come on Macey, I think its time to go" Willmore suddenly said as he jumped up from his   
position on his chair.  
"Right" Doggett said   
"Well it has been great" Willmore said, "We'll certainly be back on thursday"  
"Great, well I shall look forward to our next meeting, by the way I'm Grace" The elderly lady   
said   
"Oh well, see you Grace" Doggett said, he bent over to retrieve his handbag when suddenly a  
large potent fart ousted from his arse at full throttle. The sound resembled that of a zip being  
pulled in a quick motion, "Er..." Embarrassment suddenly filled his body and mind, how could  
he possibly deal with the situation? He proceeded with collecting his bag and made the decision  
to act natural, as if nothing had happened and maybe the women would think it hadn't and that  
they had imagined the trump. He placed his bag over his shoulder and turned to see shocked  
expressions from everyone in the room...including Willmore.  
"Well see you guys thursday" Doggett smiled, holding up his plan to act natural  
"Miss Bukrodgers!" Grace said with rage and disgust, "Do you have something to say for yourself?"  
"Er..."  
"How disgusting...it stinks!" A woman squarked as she flung her arms around and held her nose  
"Er...pardon me" Doggett said with embarrassment before grabbing Willmore's sleeve and quickly  
leaving the room.  
  
DOGGETT'S HOUSE  
Doggett removed the last piece of nail varnish from his nails. It had taken forever to  
get out of his dress, remove his makeup and now his varnish. He flung some cotton wool into the  
toilet and flushed it away before quickly washing his hands and making his way down the stairs  
where Willmore sat on the sofa watching MTV, a song by Eminem was currently playing.  
"What a day" He sighed as he plonked down beside Willmore, it suddenly occured to Doggett that  
he had only consumed one meal all day. That being his breakfast, the remains of a large pizza   
from the night before. A cacky state suddenly invaded his body, it worsened when the thought   
crossed his mind of there being absolutely nothing in the fridge. He had meant to do the shopping   
on this particular day, was there anything in the cupboard?   
"Yeah, well back to the office tomorrow" Willmore sighed,   
"Er...yeah" Doggett said, not really listening to Willmore, he quickly pushed his body up from  
the sofa and began to menouver to the kitchen in a fast pace when suddenly a knock sounded at the   
front door.  
"Great" Doggett sighed, he dashed over to the door to open it with speed  
Scully stood on the doorstep with a bag with a 'value 4 money' motif emblazoned across the  
front of it,  
"Hi" She smiled, "Thought I'd drop by, I got loads of goodies and a video"  
"Really?" Doggett asked with excitement, he cacked to snatch the bag from her grasp, "Come in"  
Scully walked into the house and removed her coat,  
"I got The Grinch, I hope thats okay" She smiled  
"The grinch?" Doggett cacked with happiness, "I've wanted to see that!"  
"Hey Scully" Willmore smiled with a small wave from his position on the sofa, Scully suddenly  
cacked when she caught sight of her special dream-guy sitting on the sofa. What was he doing at  
Doggett's house?  
"Er...hi" She said with joy suddenly realising that she didn't quite look her best, she had   
thrown on a pair of trousers and an old shirt and not bothered to put on any make-up, it  
suddenly dawned on her that she had some make-up in her bag,  
"Er...mind if I use your toilet?" She asked Doggett,  
"Sure, go ahead" Doggett said as he routed through the bag to see the contents with cackiness.  
Scully dashed off up the stairs and down the hall to the toilet, she rushed inside and closed  
the door. Once inside Scully opened her bag and found her small compact Max Factor make-up set.  
She began to put some on when she suddenly caught sight of a perculiar object petruding from  
beneath the bathroom cupboard. Confusion filled her mind along with curiosity, she found herself  
leaning over and pulling the velvety object out to discover it to be a ladies high-heeled shoe.  
Why did Doggett have a womans shoe in his bathroom? She found herself peeking under to find  
a matching shoe, did Doggett have a girlfriend? Had she stayed recently and left her shoes?  
Scully quickly tossed the shoes back into their positions before returning to the bathroom  
mirror where she continued to apply some eye shadow. Suddenly the small brush slipped from her  
grip before tumbling down her shirt, leaving a small pink trail before it fell into the sink.  
"Great" She sighed, she reached out to get a piece of tissue only to discover that there wasn't  
any on the roll. Doggett had probably been too lazy to replace it, she thought.  
Scully reached out to the cupboard and pulled it open as she went in search of some toilet rolls,  
as she sorted through the contents of the cupboard her hand suddenly came into contact with a  
rather perculiar object. She pulled the small plastic-like object out to find a small case  
filled with multi-coloured eye shadows, she looked back to the cupboard to find more make-up  
such as a lipstick, blusher, concealer and nail varnish. What was going on?  
"Come on Scully" Doggett called impaciently up the staircase, "What are you doing a terd or  
something?"   
Embarrassment suddenly filled Scully's mind and body, she didn't want Willmore to think she was  
passing a stool.  
"Er...just powdering my nose" She called back. She quickly threw the make-up back into cupboard.  
Doggett speedily placed the video cassette into the recorder and switched the TV to the  
right channel. He was so excited, he had wanted to see the grinch since last christmas, he felt  
even more excited about the food stuffs Scully had brought, crisps, chocolates, pop corn, coke  
and to top it off...doughnuts! Doggett's most favourite food ever. She had packed enough to  
feed an army Doggett concluded.  
"Ready" Scully called as she entered the room, Doggett instantly noticed a large wet patch on  
the front of Scully's shirt.  
"So, what brings you here?" She asked as she quickly plonked down next to Willmore  
"Me and Doggett are working together while you're absent" Willmore informed, "I have to stay  
here for a while"  
"Why?"  
"Because it's nearer to the woman's group" Willmore suddenly slipped up, "Er...I mean, my mothers  
woman's group...I have to pick her up everyday"   
"And you need to live here for that?" Scully wondered  
"Er...she's staying at my apartment"  
"Anyway...lets begin" Doggett said in a quick change of the subject as he played the video.  
  
THE NEXT DAY : FBI HEADQUATERS, 1:OO PM  
  
Doggett and Willmore made their way down the hall. They had just been informed that  
another meeting at the women's society was taking place that afternoon and they had to be   
there. First they had to go home and change into their women's clothes,  
"Wait" Willmore said as he stopped near a row of lockers, "I have something in my shoe"  
Dogget stopped with a sigh, Willmore began to remove his shoe.  
"I hate this" Doggett moaned, "I can't believe I have to dress as a woman" 


End file.
